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WHERE DID I GO? Feeling like you are lost.

WHERE DID I GO?

Feeling like you are lost.

 

“I miss being me”, “I don’t know who I am anymore”, “I miss who I used to be”, “I want the old me back” “I FEEL LOST”. Sound familiar?

These are all comments I hear some beautiful mothers say to me all the time. Ok, truthfully, I say it too, at least twice a day, particularly when I look in the mirror.

Having a baby later in life, when I was least expecting it, was the best and scariest thing that has ever happened to me! Obviously, I LOVE MY BOY more than life itself and after 15 years of being told I couldn’t have children, he is my miracle! BUT I am knackered, I look like a pile of crap and I spent two years believing you can’t be yourself anymore, the “old me” has to go…but who the hell is the new me? Or the old me for that matter? And where has the old me gone? I feel lost.

BUT …This period of confusion and co-dependency will not last forever. Soon my little one will be grown, then what?? Who am I? Well, apparently I’m the same weirdo I was before babies, I’m me, I’m Sharley. I just forgot who that was for a while because I’m knackered!

Babies and children take up so much time that sometimes we get lost, we feel like we don’t know who we are meant to be now. Our bodies and hearts tell us to carry, feed and love our babas with every ounce of our being. Then our brain steps in, some of us are so consumed by our mission to be mum and to do our ‘job’ well that we forget ourselves in a detrimental way. We may lose aspects of our personalities, humour or sense of adventure.

Before children, you may have goals, friendship circles of many kinds (laugh to myself) and a general understanding of who you are. Yeh. Then congratulations Mummy! Your little miracle arrives. Now some people, for example, that lawyer who took her baby to work or whatever, will carry on like nothing different happened. (Hats off to you lady). But then some nutcracker people, like me, will decide to stay home and resign from their job, or take extended maternity. Sounds wonderful doesn’t it. Well it is. BUT…

Embarrassing full disclosure here … are you ready? When my little boy was born I felt like I couldn’t do anything that didn’t have him at the centre. And I mean LITERALLY. I couldn’t shower, eat properly, go anywhere, pretty much anything that wasn’t feeding, changing, rocking or winding. For some reason it was like I had forgotten how to function normally, and by doing anything for me (even the basics) meant I was a bad mum. I quit my career because I wanted to give every part of me to my son. Eventually, I felt like the “old me” was lost and left behind in the hospital. You will be pleased to know that passed and I began gaining confidence and doing things etc. HOWEVER, my personality didn’t come back. It really didn’t. I didn’t have a flipping clue who I was.

I spent the first two years of my little one’s life, feeling guilty for even brushing my hair, or god forbid wearing make up! (This is the girl who wouldn’t put the bins out until my face was done.)

Now then, I am well aware that many women stumble upon motherhood and take to it like it was what they were born to do. Well that’s wonderful, but I didn’t and listening to a lot of mums, others sometimes feel the same as me. Whether they admit it or not, it is a major change. Similarly, people who lose their job, go through a divorce or another major life change will often feel LOST. Not knowing what is ahead makes you feel LOST. Unexpected change makes you feel LOST. Lack of sleep, lack of focus, lack of purpose, makes us feel LOST.

Well, recently I realised, I am not lost. Yes I’m shattered, I’m going in a different direction than I ever imagined. But I am not bloody lost. I am right here. I just couldn’t recognise what was happening when my son was born. I was evolving. Transforming. Developing the next stage of my soul. But because it wasn’t intentional or understandable it felt like a pile of shit. BUT…as soon as I realised that there is no such thing as ‘the old me’, I began to transform. I decided to forget about pining for what had gone, or what had changed. I set new goals, found new interests and skills to compliment the new traits of my personality. I left teaching behind because I don’t fit the job anymore. I’ve EVOLVED! I found new skills and a passion for jewellery making. I’ve TRANSFORMED. My business was opened and I became self-employed. I’ve DEVELOPED.

This period of confusion was ME developing. ME moving to the next stage of my personality. ME adapting to new parts of MY life. I AM STLL ME… The same me I was before children, just an older, more mature and more experienced me. With an exciting future ahead… Am I a different me? Yes. Am I a complete wreck? Yes. But I am happy, and I only realised this when I stopped looking for the old me!

SO…when you want to tear your hair out, when you need a wee and have sensory overload, when you have turned down the 136th social invitation, your face looks like shit and your hair is crying out for a salon. Grab the chocolate, dry shampoo and NO7 BB cream and hang on for the ride. You are still who you were before but you are also an amazing mum now too!

AND REMEMBER THIS TIME WILL PASS, YOU ARE STILL THERE MY DARLING GIRL…

You are not lost my lovely: You are transforming!

Much love to you all,

Sharley xx

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